Attempt number 666: Blogging is almost impossible when you're neurodivergent

 I've always had a diary or journal since I was a child. Writing to me has always been therapeutic. Whether it was to escape into a world of my creation, or to understand reality when it make zero sense to me. 

For the longest time, I thought something was wrong with me. It took me hours to do a simple task. I've been enrolled in time management classes since I was in fourth grade. I'm the only person I know who was both in the "Gifted" program and "Special Ed" at the same time. Teachers would always say hurtful things like, "I don't understand how you have the reading level of a tenth grader, but you cannot do simple math." "How are you 'gifted', but you can't even sit still to save your life." Fast-forward to being 25-years-old cleaning my childhood room because I no longer lived with my parents. I found a letter from a psychologist from my school district stating I have adhd. I had no words. I always knew that my brain functioned differently, but reading this letter was like getting hit by a ton of bricks. It felt like all my frustrations made sense. I finally felt vindicated. I grabbed the letter and ran to my mother, "Que es esto?" "Oh, no es importante, my Ma told me. "No es importante?! You lied, kept my diagnosis away from me, and then proceeded to yell at me when I struggled."  That is more or less how every interaction I had with my Mother went. 

Yes, I have adhd. I also have celiac disease, clinical depression, and endometriosis. So my blog, like my brain will be all over the place. I will be writing about what it is like to live with chronic illnesses, being a woman in these screwed up times, extreme metal, literature, identity and maybe politics. We'll see how that goes. Ranting is what I do best, so I'll try not to do that. 

Being neurodivergent and having depression means that I will stop and start so many things. It means that if I don't have energy then there will not be a post or entry. 

Here's another attempt to bring my thoughts onto a screen. I've had many blogs before, but eventually my imposter syndrome takes over and I delete them all. So I will also try not do this. 

Welcome to the wonderful world of my brain, please enjoy the wild ride. 

Here's a photo of your blogger.