Originally, I was going to write about how I became a metalhead. But, since so many of my friends have been having the same communication issues; I feel that it is more important and current to write about how neurodivergent people communicate.
Kathy I see you use the word, "neurodivergent" a lot. What does it mean?
According to the dictionary in Google, neurodivergent means, "differing in mental or neurological function from what is considered typical or normal (frequently used with reference to autistic spectrum disorders); not neurotypical."
For me, people with mental illness or adhd/add are also considered neurodivergent because our way of thinking is completely different from what a "normal" person thinks. My depression clouds my vision. I have no energy to do anything. Nothing brings me joy. Existing is excruciating. Every task is impossible to complete. The weight of my depression holds me prisoner. Then I panic and become frantic to accomplish everything at once. I become overwhelmed. I break down. Then I beat myself up for not accomplishing anything that day. My sister and Ryan have Autism. They behave in the same way. Too much information or emotions and they break down. So yes, I do think that depression and other metal illnesses do change the way our brains think and therefore can be lumped into this group. This is exactly why I am on antidepressant.
Then we add in my adhd and it's an even bigger mess. Adhd is hard to diagnose in women or girls. Probably because the medical world has always focused on men. Hooray, patriarchy! But, that's another conversation for another day. Adhd manifests in girls/women by talking very fast, talking too much, info dumping, not talking at all, tunnel vision, hyperactivity, crying too much, being too sensitive, in a world of their own, being forgetful, always late, cannot complete tasks, "random" outbursts, and lastly shifting focus from one subject to the next. If you know me in real life, you will know minus the crying these are all me. Especially, when I am cleaning. I will start in one room, and if an object belongs in another room it's a trap! I will go to that room and then start cleaning there. Only to remember I never finished the other room. My brain doesn't understand what completing one task at a time is. I am always reading several books at one time. I am the queen of multitasking because that's all I know. When I am writing, like I am now I always listen to music. Likewise, when I watch tv I need subtitles because I'm also playing games on my phone. I cannot sit still to save my life! I am constantly shifting my body. Or tapping on some sort of surface with my fingers or feet. On the other hand, when I get into a groove or if I am photo editing I will be sucked into my work. I will forget to eat. I will become intensely hyper focused that nothing else exists. This is what I call "tunnel vision." It's a challenge to find the middle ground. To this day, I still don't understand why my Mother hid my diagnosis from me, when the man she married at the time acts like me. I know where I get my adhd from. It's my Dad. As a child we played the game of "help me find my wallet and keys so I'm not late for work". Come on! It's basic biology.
My adhd affects how I communicate. Like all neurodivergent people the way I speak will come off as strange or too personal. If I bring up a subject many times it's because I honestly forgot. My long term memory is amazing. I can recall memories from when I was a baby. But, ask me what I did yesterday and I'll say, "I have no idea." Likewise, if I keep repeating myself it's because: 1. I want people to take me seriously. 2. I feel like no one is listening to me. 3. If I keep bringing up an event or a person, it's not because I'm obsessed or fixated. It's because I'm trying to relate with that person. Clearly, we have nothing in common. I'm just trying to be polite and make conversation. Be grateful I am trying. If I am communicating with you, it means I care. Because when I don't talk, it's because I feel that I have nothing important to say. It's a skill I've been working on since middle school. I used to the be the "random" outbursts girl. Whatever popped into my brain I'd blurt out. That's how I received the title of "weird" girl. It also doesn't help that when I was a teenager I was very sarcastic, cold, and bitter. The esthetic of Wednesday is cute. Her tongue on the other hand is not. I made kids cry on a daily basis because they hurt my feelings. I wanted them to feel rotten like I did. Hello there, emotional dysregulation! How are you doing? Can you leave now? You're not wanted. In addition, my humor is also very dry and dark. Thanks to the countless hours of "Monty Python" I watched as a kid. Another ruined kid by the BBC.
Another habit that I have, is telling personal stories. To this day I will never understand why neurotypicals perceive this habit as being selfish or narcissistic. Bruh, we're just trying to show we understand by dishing out what we consider embarrassing stories. This is our love language. Ninty percent of the time we don't know how to use empathy or what emotions we're processing. We cannot put the right words together in time. Telling a personal story is easier to us. Especially if writing or story telling is your way of communicating. You can take the Celt out of the Celtic lands, but not the Celt. I will always be a bard. The blood that courses through my veins has seen so many lands, adventures, generations, and blood shed. I must tell stories one way or another.
But I always try to wait until the other person is done talking. The key word is try. Many of us cut people off or blurt out words because we have no concept of time. Or if we take the time to think, time has passed. Our story is not relevant to what is being discussed anymore. Several people see it as rude or having bad manners. I assure you we aren't being rude. We're either: 1. Super excited about the topic being discussed. 2. We want to be included. 3. Some of us are shy or scared to speak so we just blurt word salad. In the past, several of us have been told by our parents or loved ones that our interests are dumb or not important. It really hurts our self-esteem. It's easier to blurt. Then if someone says something hurtful; we'll lie or backpedal and say, "Never mind, it's not important."
Well that's all I have to say for now. The tl;dr version is please be patient with us. We're trying really hard to appear "normal", but most of the time we're just playing catch up with neurotypicals.
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