My college years were ridiculous because this is when many of my deities came to me. Six month later after Freya's visit the Allfather came to visit me. Funny how when I always had essays to write or stayed up late to finish a project a deity would think it is a perfect time to make a visit. My time spent in DeKalb, IL was always interesting. That's one way to describe my experience living alone. I'm glad I was able to live in an apartment instead of a dorm. While my apartment was not a studio it definitely was small. It also had no air conditioning. I had a tower fan, but that was it. Lack of sleep or lack of air conditioning will test a person. It makes one feel like you're insane. I know, I sound like a spoiled brat. But, like my husky puppy I cannot stand humidity, heat and sweating. I am a human so I cannot pant to stay cool. Living in this small apartment taught me to be gracious for all my experiences.
It's summer. I have one week left of freshman year at NIU. I am having issues studying for my finals. Being a gifted kid growing up meant that I never learned proper study habits because I always just knew the material. I NEVER had to study. I would just take a test and earn an A. But in college, it's not enough to know the material, one has to demonstrate our knowledge. It's midnight. I have 3 textbooks open, my laptop is on, I am writing flashcards. I just finished writing an essay. My brain is on fire. I am tired, but I need to finish studying so I can go to bed.
I keep seeing air elementals in my apartment. Air elements are white bursts of energy that fly around. Then my flashcards start to move around. It felt like a gust of wind. I thought to myself, I must be more tired than I thought. I am inside a building, there's absolutely no way that there could be any wind inside my apartment. I get up to check every window. Odd. Every window is closed. The curtains are closed. Anthrax, my cat, was at my parent's house. It's just me. I light some candles for ambience. I burn some incense and ask my ancestors to give me the strength so I can study. The incense keeps making O's or 0's in the air. I decide to make some tea. Then my chair falls over.
"What the fuck is going on?! If you're a ghost, I am in no mood! I need to study," I said annoyed.
"If you really needed to study you would have done it earlier", said a voice.
"Easy for you to say! You didn't just finish writing a 20 page essay with MLA citations." I loudly said.
"Knowledge is learned, wisdom is earned. Only through sacrifice can anyone ever succeed. Kids these days don't know how good they have it. In my day I plucked my own eye out and hung myself on Yggdrasil for nine days and nine nights. If something is truly important you will make time for it, the voice said."
"Well excuse me. I was in school until 5pm. I then made dinner, washed the dishes, and did homework the rest of the night. Now I am studying at midnight. Finals start this week, then the school year is over. I can push through." I always give myself pep talks when I freak out.
"You can and you will. I don't allow laziness or stupidity in my followers," the disembodied voice said.
"I am definitely not lazy. I'm just exhausted. Who said I wanted to follow you?" My annoyance is now anger.
"Well if you're smart you will. You already follow Tyr, my bloodbrother Loki, and Freya. It only makes sense that you will choose to learn from me. Or at the very least let me stay in your life. I'm choosing not to tell you my name. You already know what I sound like and look like from my conversation with you earlier. Pop quiz! Next time I visit you, tell me my name. And, I will visit you! If you answer wrong I'll zap you and ask that you remove my rune from your wrist. This is not a jest. See you soon."
And the voice went away. I did not think much of it until I started researching what I heard and saw in my head. Here I was thinking you can't tell me what to do old man. Then I realize holy ice cow! Odin was talking to me. But why? Was it because I work with Loki? Was it because I was interested in learning the runes. Yes, but also no. It was because I love to problem solve, write poetry, and brew my own mead.
Odin is the son of Bestla and Bor. Mimir is his uncle. Bestla is the daughter of Bolthorne a frost giant. Bor is the son of Buri, who is the first Aesir. Odin has two other brothers Vili and Ve. Concerned about their future they killed the first ice etin, Ymir. From Ymir's body the Aesir/Jotun brothers created the nine realms. Odin is called the Allfather because he is the king of Asgard, but has fathered many children. Like Zeus, Odin also stuck his dick in any female. Unlike Zeus he never committed incest and Frigga knew about all his relationships. Odin is the God of wisdom. The name Odin is derived from the Indo-European word, "wodanaz", which means master of inspiration. In addition, he is a war and death god. He is the leader of the Wild Hunt. Tyr used to be the ruler of all the nine realms until he conceded his ruling to Odin. Odin is a shapeshifter, trickster, betrayer, and redeemer. He is the God of paradoxes. Anuz is his rune. Odin sacrifices his left eye so he may drink from his uncle's well. Mimir teaches Odin that sacrifices must be made in order to accomplish goals. Slepnir, the 8 legged horse who is also Loki's son is his noble steed. Geri and Freki are his wolves. Hunin and Munin are his ravens.
Odin is not an easy deity to work with. He expects all his followers to work hard and to constantly prove themselves. He'll even go as far as tricking them into doing immoral things to test his followers' resolve. I think Odin is more of a trickster than Loki.
Altar/Offerings: Odin's colors are dark blue, gray, and black. His animals are eagles, ravens, wolves, and horses. Tobacco, musk incense, dragonsblood, and sandalwood are his favorite scents. Smoked meats are his favorite. All alcohol is good for him.
Summers in Illinois vary depending where you live. In the northern part of the state it is usually humid and gross. It rarely gets into the 90s. The further down south one goes the hotter and more disgusting it gets. The summer of 2010 in DeKalb was absolutely nauseating. Every day it was 90 degrees in an apartment with no air conditioning just fans. I used to take cold baths just to stay cool. I was laying in bed after applying to a bunch of jobs in the area. I was watching something on my tablet when I heard a voice.
"Why don't you have a tv in your apartment? That way you won't strain your eyes sweetie", the kind voice said to me.
"I do have a tv. Someone gave it to me, but it's very old. I don't have the money for a new one. Plus my tablet and laptop are good enough. I want a job so I can buy whatever I want. I thought the whole point of attending college was so that I could have a career and not be broke all the time."
"Give it time. Gold and items don't buy happiness. I always tell my husband that. Happiness is gained through experiences and love. For now do the best you can, honey. I'll always be here for you. I'll help you make your apartment feel like home, the voice said. This voice sounds like if sweet tea were soundwaves.
"This keeps happening to me. I am going to assume you are another goddess. You are the nicest deity thus far. Everyone has had an attitude or has tried to parent me," I said.
"Parenting is part of our job description as deities. We were human once. We remember our children and our descendants. While I am not related to you, I want to be there for you. I can see that you lacked a Mother. Biologically, you have one. But a Mother does not judge. A Mother does not insult. A Mother does not hit their own child. You use words. You soothe and kiss away the pain. But you also do not coddle. It is a parent's job to ensure their children will become responsible members of society who can take care of themselves," the sweet voice told me.
" Please tell my Ma that. It seems she forgot how to be a Mother. She was a great Mom once. Then mental illness took her away from me. It's okay because my Dad is always encouraging me and he loves me for who I am." I always get upset when I talk about my relationship with my Mom. I wish I had a relationship with her. But how can you have a relationship with a person who denies they hit you or verbally abused you?
"You are a very special, I want you to know that. Clearly you are sensual and beautiful otherwise Freya wouldn't be working with you. And Tyr is right. You are honest. But one trait you need to work on is self-love. You don't value yourself. You constantly think there is something wrong with you. You constantly berate yourself. You think you are a burden because that is what your Mother has told you. My name is Frigga. I am Odin's wife. Baldur and Hoðr are my sons. I will teach you to rise from the ashes of your old self and become the beautiful phoenix I know you are. I will help you find a partner who will not abuse you. You date monsters because that's all you know. You don't think you deserve better. I am here to tell you that not only do you deserve love. But that one day you will get married and have children," Frigga said.
" I doubt that. Marriage is enslavement. Not love. And I don't want to have children. I don't want to traumatize my children the way my Ma has, I cried out in my bedroom.
"Shh, it's okay. I'm here. We're all here. We're your deities. We may be harsh sometimes, but every lesson we teach is so that you can learn. Our lessons our proof that love never dies. Our spirits will always live. Now go to sleep. You are still young my dear."
I grabbed my tablet that was paused. Put it on my kitchen table. Brushed my teeth and went to bed.
Frigga is the wife of Odin. Unlike other pantheons she is not a jealous or possessive wife. Both her and Odin have other lovers. They are still married and their marriage is the most important. Frigga in Old Norse means "beloved". Frigga is equal to Odin. Like Freya she has her own shapeshifting coat. Frigga treats everyone with kindness and respect. But, if you are rude then you will never be welcomed in Asgard. She is also not above playing games on Odin when he's being sneaky. Frigga is the goddess of childbirth and marriage. Although she is an earth goddess she also likes water. Her second name is Saga because she knows all things. So don't ever lie to her. She is the mistress of crafts and sewing. Frigga has nine handmaidens named: Lofn, Vjofn, Hlin, Gna, Var, Eir, Snotra, Syn, and Fulla.
Altar/Offerings: Frigga's favorite colors are ivory, purple, green, and blue. She loves white lilies. Floral incense is her favorite. You can put sewing materials, baby toys, and old keys as a symbol of her domesticity. She loves creamy food and fruity wine. Her favorite crystals are quartz, amethyst, actinolite, aventurine, chrysocolla, and emerald.
Skaði and the Norns did not come into my life until my late 20s. So there will be a jump in the time line. From 23 years-old to 26-years-old. I graduated from Northern Illinois University in 2014 with two bachelor's degrees. Frigga did indeed help me find a great partner. Ryan and I met in 2010. Then we started to date a year later. Perhaps I'll write an entry on how we met. After I graduated Ryan and I decided to move in together. We've been living together ever since. I took my cat, Anthrax back. Then we started to feed a feral cat I named Borknargar and Squeakers was born. So we started to build our little family. Both Ryan and I have a lot of trauma from our upbringing. Add in mental illnesses (chronic depression for me and bipolar for him) and that's how two people who love each other become alcoholics to cope with their abuse, melancholia, trauma, and stress. I am not excusing our actions. We were very different people back then. I won't deny that I was immature and hurt people's feelings without realizing it. I also cared too much about scene politics instead of focusing on myself. Subcultures are wonderful until they become a group of toxic enablers.
Skaði gave me the tools that I needed to pick myself up from my low point and change my life. Ryan and I were living in a duplex in Albany Park. We've never had this much space before. We decorated every room even though it was time consuming. Originally, our magic room was upstairs but it became my office room/guest bedroom. We put our magic room downstairs next to our bedroom. Magic is done when the pull is felt. It can be at any hour of the day. Having the magic room next to our bedroom made sense. Do magic, shower, then go to sleep. Interesting enough I did not have my dream in the magic room.
My dream happened while I was sleeping. It was winter in Chicago. Winters in the Midwest are brutal for most people. But I am not most. I love the snow. I love the cold. My favorite part of winter is watching my breathe freeze. I love walking outside during the first snowfall while I'm listening to Darkthrone or Enslaved. Or some type of black metal. I love feeling that freezing feeling in your lungs when you breathe the crisp, frigid air. My tolerance to cold used to be so great that in high school I only wore hoodies in -10 degree Fahrenheit weather. Sadly, the older I become the more sensitive I am to the heat and the cold. It was a dark night in February. I was nice and cozy in my bed. I drank some lavender tea, had my Mexican blanket under my comforter. I fell asleep to an episode of X-Files. I'm aware that watching science fictions shows will give a person crazy dreams. It's not like I woke up and said, "Cerulean Blue." I find Mulder and Scully's voice soothing. Before I knew it, I was out like a candle wick in the wind. I have been able to lucid dream since I was a kid. When I cannot control my dream that is how I know that the dream is a message and to pay attention.
I am in a place that is covered in snow. It looks like I am walking through a blizzard. I cannot see anything, but the outline of trees. It's like a sea of white. I shield my eyes because the snow is blinding. I keep walking. I am looking for a cave or a cabin. Even in my dreams I hate layers. But one must stay warm during a blizzard. When snow is wet like rain it makes your clothes damp. You then become colder. This is how people die from hyperthermia. I have never died in a dream. I don't plan on finding out what happens when someone dies in a dream. Not today, ice and snow! I continue looking for shelter, when I see a tall woman with platinum hair walking towards me. She is wearing a black fur coat with white gloves and a white scarf. Her boots are gray colored. It looks like her boots are made out of glass and stone at the same time. The pair of boots are see through. How can that be comfortable or warm I think to myself. This woman looks like she walked off the pages of an H&M catalog. This stunning woman was holding a lantern. She held out her hand for me. We walked in silence back to her home. This beautiful lady drops my hand as we get to our door. She utters a word in Old Norse and the door opens. She beckons me to come inside.
"Only I can open the door. My home is shielded with magic," the woman says.
I nod. That makes perfect sense to me. You never know what stalks in the night. Could be friend or foe.
"Where are my manners?! My name is Skaði. Welcome to my home. You must be very cold young lady. Would you like some hot cider or tea?"
"Yes, please. Are we in Nifelheim? Why is it colder than normal? I love the cold. But this could kill a human. Tea is fine. No need to trouble yourself, I said."
"My, what a polite thing you are. Would you like some honey as well. This honey is the best in all the nine realms. It is cultivated by the elves in Vanaheim. My step-son Freyr always send me some even though I'm no longer married to his father. I still see Freya and Freyr as my children. No. We're nowhere near Nifelheim. We're in the cold part of Jotunheim. I am fond of the snow, Skaði replied to me.
She brings me a gigantic cup of tea. The aroma of chamomile, vanilla, and lavender fills the air. She hands it to me.
"Careful! It's hot! My apologies I don't receive many guests. And usually those guests are other etins like me. Now, how may I help you? You seem troubled," Skaði uttered.
"I love tea. I usually drink tons of it throughout the day. I often joke that my body is made out of tea. This size is perfect for me. I wish I could get a tankard full of tea back at home. To be honest I have no idea why I am here. I was watching tv in my bedroom with my partner. Now I'm here. Usually I can control my dreams. But I wasn't able to this time," I told Skaði.
"I brought you here after Freja told me that she wanted me to help you. She says she sees a lot of me in you. I agree with my daughter. You are passionate yet you pretend you are not because you don't want to seem weak. It is weaker to pretend you don't have emotions. Because whether you're human or other, if you don't feel your emotions than your emotions will control you. That is the real reason jotuns are killed. It is because we think with our heart and not our brains. I speak from experience. Being rash and letting lust or rage control you is what killed my father. But something else seems to be amiss in here", Skaði taps my forehead while she observes me.
"My dear friend, Tyr said you are quite intelligent. I can feel it is not your third eye that is wrong. I see. You have an affliction that humans call trauma. I will help you overcome that pain. But, I warn you it will not be easy. Painful memories will come as you heal. If you are willing to work with me not only will you heal, but you will be stronger than ever. Stronger than any human or changeling." Ska winks at me.
"How did you know?!"
"All your deities know. It's our job to know all things in this world. Otherwise we wouldn't be called gods. Changelings are children of faeries. Did you know that etins/jotuns are faeries? Faeries are just elemental creatures. Every culture has a word for elemental creatures, but it all means the same thing. Now that you are warm I will send you home. Usually I would take my sled out and take you myself. But you need to sleep, dear. I'll just portal you out of here," Skaði announces.
Skaði is a frost giant who spends half her time in Asgard and the other half in Jotunheim. She is the daughter of the ice jotun, Thjassi and an unknown Asgardian woman. Her father kidnapped Idunna and his actions killed him. When Skaði discovered her father's fate she travelled to Asgard to demand compensation and to learn more about her Mother. She was enamored with Baldur and wished to marry him. But instead she ended up marrying Njörðr. While the marriage did not work out she still loves her step-children. Skaði is the goddess of the mountains, winter sports, hunting, and tracking. Her name means "shadow" or "scathe" in Old Norse. Ullr, Sif's son is her current husband. She has a slay that is pulled by a fleet of wolves.
Altar/Offerings: Skaði's favorite colors are white, grey, silver, green and black. She likes black tea and vodka. Her favorite crystals are those that resemble ice like quartz, moonstone and opalite. Skaði's favorite food are berries, nuts, and venison. I usually scoop some fresh snow in a shot glass and put it on her altar. All winter sports are her favorite so I usually blast my hockey games so she can hear and watch. I was thinking of putting a puck on her altar to confuse people. Hahahaha. Her favorite scents are earthy. Candles that smell like pine or spruce are her favorite. Burn dragonsblood, myrrh, or any incense that is made with tree resin or oil.
One thing that blows my mind is that Skaði hates Loki for personal reasons yet she is still willing to work with me. I solve this problem by having her far away from Loki on my altar.
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