My Musical Story: How I got into Punk and Metal

 

Every single person who identifies as a "metalhead" has a discovery story. This is my retelling of how I became enamored with punk and metal.  

Since I was a baby, I remember music being played by my parents. Music has been a massive part of my life since I was in the womb. Some of my readers will say it's impossible to remember being in your Mother's womb. I swear on my Mother's life I am not lying. I remember being a kid and my Mom would play Mozart, Beethoven, and Tchaikovsky. Then I would tell her that I remember hearing these song. Or I would hum along to the music. She would then say to me, "Si te acuerdas ! Que bueno." Which translates to, "So you do remember. That's good." Both my parents have said that they made sure I was "cultured". 

It sounds silly, but there are many songs that I feel like I've been listening to since I was a baby. That's how powerful music is. Songs like "El Noa Noa", "Mi Vida Eres Tu", "Adoro" and "Como Te Voy Olividar" are earworms. I used to groan when my Mom would play these songs. Now I listen to them all the time because they always get stuck in my head. It's always the most obnoxious parts that get stuck in my head. I used to hate how cheesy all the Spanish songs were regardless of the genre. Now I'm the same way. I scream the lyrics to my music. In the end, we all become our parents. I even dance the way my parents did to their music. 

Peek 80s' cheesiness. 

Here we have the same energy, but in power metal form from Sonata Arctica. 

I'm not sure if my parents kept the home videos they made of us when we were toddlers. I remember footage of me dancing to Credence Clearwater Revival in my diapers. I also remember that "Bule, Bule" song. No one else, but my brother and I remember. It was definitely a popular Latino song at one point, It sounded like an oldies song to me. I found it! Thanks Google. The song is by "Los Rockin Devil's. Isn't it interesting the memories we hold on to as adults? Our memories also show us, what values each person was raised with.    

My Mom would start her day playing music. I remember complaining about how loud she would play music in the morning. Who wants to listen to Vincent Fernandez or Joan Sebastian at seven am? Not I. I would rather sleep. At least, I play my music at noon. I get my eclectic taste in music from my Mother. Sometimes she would play traditional Mexican music like Jorge Negrete, Jose Alfredo Jimenez, Lola Beltran, and Pedro Infante. Other days, we would get Spanish pop music like Juan Gabriel, Marco Antonio Solis, Luis Miguel, Chayanne, Jose Jose, Emmanuel, Jeanette, etc. In between, Mom would play classical music, blues, and jazz. Ma adores Elvis. I know every single song Elvis has composed and have seen every Elvis movie made. She has a poster of Elvis hanging above her bed. On the weekends, my Mom would play danceable music. I love bossanova music because I associate that music with being happy. Eydie Gorme is my favorite bossanova artist because I've heard her music in English and Spanish over 500 times. Specifically, the album Eydie Gorme did with Los Panchos. But wait, there is more music to discuss. My Mother also listens to the Beatles, Abba, Vikki Carr, and Camilo Sessto. My instagram name actually comes from an Abba song. Abba did a whole album in Spanish. One of the songs is called, "Chiquitita". Even more surprising was that my Mom likes Credence Clearwater Revival and Led Zepplin. That's it. She's not into classic rock. That's my Dad. 

Here's Abba singing in Spanish. I'm still amazed at how good their Spanish accent is. 

I collect records because my Mother has her own collection of records. My Mom would open the section of our entertainment center where her records were located. She would let me pick music out. When I was 10-years-old she showed me how to pull a record out. She told me to put my fingers on the edges. "Smudging the record is a sin," she said in Spanish. Then when I was 13-years-old my parents bought a new stereo that came with a record player, cassette player, and a cd player. My Mom showed me how to unravel the wire, cut it, and how to strip the plastic to find the wire. Then you twist the wire into the banana tips. My Mom told me, "If you want to know why I always yell at you and your siblings to not run, it's because the movements may disconnect the wires from the speakers. Or you'll make the record skip and that will damage the grooves." My Mother also taught me how to record tapes from a CD or vinyl. In addition, to knowing how to unwind a tape when the string gets tangled. By the time I was 15, I was already playing records by myself without her supervision. Or making my own mix tapes. Another reason I'm mad I missed the tape trading of the 90s'.

My Dad likes the same music as my Mom, as well as classic rock. My Dad loves classic rock. It's his favorite. I would not like heavy metal if it wasn't for him. My favorite memories of my Dad will always be how he would sing "Sweet Child of Mine" to show how much he loves me. Or if I could not sleep he would let me jump in my room and sing, "Jump" by Van Halen to me. Every classic rock band you can think of my Dad likes. I grew up listening to  Blue Oyster Cult, Cream, Deep Purple, The Doors, Led Zepplin, Pink Floyd, and The Who. You get the idea. Looking back, it's bit fucked that I would sing "Mr. Brownstone" with my Dad. Especially since this song is about heroine. My Dad is clearly a troll. I remember on the rare occasion my Dad would pick me up from school he would hum "Hot for Teacher". Or to annoy my Mom he would sing, "Running With the Devil" before we would go to church. He also likes arena rock like Bad Company, Foreigner, Journey, Kansas, and Styx.  My Dad bought me my first rock tee. It was a brown Lynyrd Skynyrd shirt. 

My favorite Van Halen song. 

As a kid, I wanted to participate in Girl Scouts, sports, or go to a camp in the summer, but we were too poor. We only had money for the essentials. In fourth grade, we learned to play the recorder. In fifth grade, band was introduced to my class. I really wanted to play an instrument. I plotted in my head how I would talk to my parents so they would allow me to play in band. I was ready to make a whole presentation to convince my parents. On Saturday, I asked both my parents if I could play an instrument. I thought my parents were going to scold me. Instead, they both were pleased with my decision. They asked me what instrument I wanted to play. I wanted to play drums, but my teacher wouldn't let me. My sexist teacher at the time told me that girls can't play drums nor will he allow them to. My parents asked me what my second choice for an instrument was. I told my parents I wanted to learn how to play the flute. I thought the flute was a cool instrument. My parents went above and beyond for me. Most kids borrowed instruments from the school. My Dad took me to a music store where I picked up my flute. It wasn’t until I was in eighth grade that my Dad told me that my flute belonged to me. It was not a rental. 

This is one of my favorite songs to play on flute. 

The sexist music teacher retired and my school district had a new music teacher. Mr. Cash was young, hip, and kind. Eighth grade music class he made us all write a paper on a band or artist we liked. Many kids wrote about rap or pop music. I wrote my paper on the band, Good Charlotte. I never had an emo phase, a metalcore, or a deathcore phase. But I did have a pop punk phase. All my friends loved pop punk. The only reason I "loved" Good Charlotte was because I thought Billy, the bassist, was hot. Teenagers and their hormones. That said because of Good Charlotte I found punk and post punk. I would check out books and music. I learned about The Clash, Circle Jerks, The Cramps, Dead Kennedys, The Exploited, Plasmatics, The Ramones, and Sex Pistols, etc. Reading books on the history of punk is I how I learned that London punk was started by a bunch of trust fund young adults who didn't want to grow up. That was disappointing to me. I started to focus more on American punk because it addressed real issues. I didn't want rebellion for rebellion sake. I wanted real feelings. I wanted music that I, as a poor kid, could relate to. It's why I still like Dead Kennedys. Siouxsie and the Banshees were originally punk, then they became post punk. Because of Siouxsie I was able to find Bauhaus, The Cure, Joy Division, and Sisters of Mercy. Thus my transformation into goth girl was complete. 

This is me in middle school. I had really long hair too. I miss this shirt. I have no idea what happened to it.

Every summer as a kid and teenager I spent it at the library. The summer before becoming a freshman in high school was not different. I was searching through CD section at the Roselle Public Library to see if they had anything good. That's when I found Black Sabbath's self-titled. I was intrigued by the artwork. This band had to be good my 13-year-old brain thought. I was so excited to listen to this album that I ran all the way home. I was born a klutz. I almost fell so many times, yet I didn't care. When I was in my bedroom, I closed the door. I took the cd out of my bag. I opened the CD. I put it in my baby blue CD player/boombox. I pressed play. I climbed my bunk bed. I was laying down. Then I sat up. I didn't know how to feel. I was shocked. My young ears have never heard music like this before. I've heard rock music with blues in it before. But, this was something else. This music was melancholic. It wasn't happy and upbeat like most of the music I heard. I could hear the pain and sorrow in Ozzy's voice. The bass and drums were crisp, but had such depth. I was in awe. I was getting lost in my thoughts, when I heard someone knock on the door. Instantly, I climbed down my bunk bed thinking I was in trouble. I opened the door. It was my Dad. "I can turn this down if it's too loud," I said to my Da. "No, tu Mama no esta aqui!" My Dad laughed. "Mas alto por favor", my Father gleefully said. This is how I found out that my Dad likes Black Sabbath. Instead of yelling at me, he asked me to raise the volume. And to open the window in my bedroom so he could listen to it from the back yard while he did yard work. My childhood bedroom faced the back of the house. My Mother wasn't home so I could play music as loud as I wanted. In two days, I listened to the whole Black Sabbath discography. I went back to my local library and checked out every heavy metal band they had available. Black Sabbath was the gateway drug to all the genres of metal that I listen to now.

One of my favorite Black Sabbath songs is "Electric Funeral". 

I found Evanescence, Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Linkin Park, Motorhead, and Rush. Then I discovered power metal. I found Blind Guardian, Edguy, Helloween, Hammerfall, Kamelot, and Stratovarius. Nightwish was both power metal and symphonic metal. Symphonic metal was okay, but it wasn't my favorite. Out of all the symphonic metal bands, I liked Epica, Leave's Eyes, Therion, and Within Temptation the best. Nightwish was my favorite because they had flutes and Tarja's vocal range was my goal. I developed my voice at an early age because I would try to mimic Tarja's, Simone's, and Sharon's voices. While I liked this music, I easily became bored with it. I wanted faster music similar to Stratovarius, but with shouting in it. I used music stations that were online to discover music. I found a band called Atreyu. I liked their music, but I wish the shouting was deeper. The vocalist sounded like me. Many of my friends were attending Warped Tour. I wasn't allowed to go to shows yet. Plus, I thought all the bands sounded like girls. The more research I did, the more bands I liked. I discovered Anti Cimex, Bathory, Black Flag, Discharge, Mercyful Fate, Misfits, Possessed, and Venom. 

"Screaming for Vengeance" is still my favorite Judas Priest album. 

By the time I was in a freshman in high school my friends from middle school did not recognize me. I was wearing all black, I started to wear eyeliner, I would put studs on everything. My friends started to tell me that the music I was listening to was "scary". I didn't care. I wanted more. GIVE ME MORE!!  

It was over for my parents and friends when I found thrash. Metallica was okay. I showed them to my brother and he loved them. I wanted something more intense. I found Megadeth, Exodus, and Testament. While it still was fast, it still didn't scratch the itch I had. One day at the library while I was writing an essay I found a band called Slayer. I listened to "Die by the Sword." Apparently, I was so happy that I did not hear my brother coming to collect me. I said to my brother, "You have to listen to this!!" As per usual my brother said, "I'm good. Let's go home." Only for him to get into Slayer two years later. My brother and I are a year apart. Everything I discovered or liked he would also check out. That's how my brother turned into a metalhead as well. 

I thought Slayer was the heaviest band in existence at the time. I loved all the albums up until "Seasons in the Abyss." I would play all the good Slayer albums until I got sick of them. I've seen Slayer at least five times. I'm glad I was able to see them when they were good. Even though it's an ep, I still think "Haunting the Chapel" is the best Slayer has to offer. I feel bad for my parents having to deal with me or my brother having music wars from our rooms. Or having to hear the same Slayer songs over again. My Dad was fine with alternative rock, heavy metal, power metal, and symphonic metal. But he did not understand thrash. Thrash was too chaotic for him. While my Da enjoyed the solos he thought the drums were too loud. Still, my Dad didn't care as long as it made me happy. My Mother was not a fan. She did not like my taste in music. Like my Dad, she was happy I was still listening to music as a teenager. Because of Slayer, I found German thrash. German thrash blew my mind with how fast it was. Destruction, Kreator, and Exumer gave me the fast that I craved. Dark Angel was the next band I found. 

If you want to know what the perfect metal song is, it's this one: "Captor of Sin". 

All the "subculture kids" were getting into nu-metal which I did not understand. I continued my search for heavier music. The only nu-metal bands I liked were Il Nino, System of a Down, and Slipknot. I wouldn't have been able to escape like S.O.A.D because my brother is still a devoted fan of them. I listened to Coal Chamber, Korn, Marilyn Mason, and Mushroomhead. I couldn't get into it. It all sounded the same to me. The worst offender to me was Deftones. It made me angry how good the music was, then Chino's whiny voice ruins it. If I'm going to listen to unintelligent music, I'll listen to Limp Bizkit or Static-X.  My love for thrash is what made me like cross-over. Cross-over is punk and thrash combined. I started to listen to Anthrax, Agnostic Front, Carnivore, and S.O.D to my Mother's horror. She especially hated Carnivore and S.O.D. During the last semester of freshmen year I found God Forbid, Hatebreed, Lamb of God, Killswitch Engage and Madball.  

Favorite Carnivore song, "Angry Neurotic Catholics".

Logically, the next step would be transforming into a hardcore or metalcore person. That did not happen. While I liked Killswitch Engage I felt that the band had annoying fans. I did not want to be grouped with people who liked Normal Jean or The Devil Wears Prada. Metalcore and deathcore have always felt like it was created for emo kids who wanted to seem tough. That was not me. At the time, I was an angry teenager who kept getting in fights with other students or my Mother. I was disappointed with the world. I was misunderstood and my fast music was not good enough anymore. Worst of all, I felt like it was losing it's edge. I had to face the music. Get it. Hahahaha. This music was starting to bore me. I could not wait for summer. Summer was my time to read until my eyes hurt. But, it was also my time to look for more music. At the time, I thought I didn't like hardcore punk because I did not like Bad Religion, Bad Brains, and Minor Threat. I only liked a couple bands from the hardcore genre. I'm sure my Mother begged and prayed that I would stay the same. Mis condolencias Madre pero eso no paso. This sentence translates to, "my condolences Mother, but that did not happen." 

At this point, I listened to all the music the Roselle Public Library had. I was making so many inter-library loans that it was suggested that I sign up for a library card from the Schaumburg Library. My Dad drove me to the library. My mouth hung open when I saw how many CDs they had. It was like a Tower Records only free. I remember being overwhelmed that I only picked out three albums. The three CDs were: "Scream Bloody Gore," by Death, "Altars of Madness," by Morbid Angel, and "Slowly We Rot," by Obituary. My ears could not believe what they were listening to. These bands were 100 times faster than Slayer. The vocalists sounded like they were at death's door. I remember thinking that the drummers had to be athletes to play that fast. I went through each band's discography in less than a day. 

 

I do not own the rights to the art or the music. But I do own these in CD and vinyl form. 

I knew I found my niche. This is my thing. I LOVE DEATH METAL FOREVER. I began researching to see what other bands were associated with Death, Morbid Angel, and Obituary. Doing so, I found Autopsy, Carcass, Cannibal Corpse, Deicide, Pestilence, and Suffocation. My first time listening to Carcass made me smile like an idiot. I thought it was hilarious that Jeff Walker sounded like he was puking. That was it. This was the beginning of me loving vocalists who sound like they're drowning in their own blood or vomit. Carcass was ahead of their time. My favorite story will always be when Carcass would borrow medical books to write lyrics. I admire resourceful people. I don't care that the drums are muddy. Reek of Putrefaction is still my favorite album. My Mom hated the album cover. She always made me hide it or cover it. 

Look at these babies. Bill Steer is still a pretty Mofo though. 

After Carcass, I learned that England had a huge death metal scene. I discovered one of my favorite bands of all time, Bolt Thrower. How much do I love this band?! I have a Bolt Thrower tattoo on my back. It's also the only band tattoo I have. I've lost count of how many times I've listened to Bolt Thrower. Since I was 16 until I die. I own all their albums in CD and vinyl formats. I could not believe that the bassist was a woman. At 16, Jo Bench became my role model. No one could convince me that there was a cooler woman. Not even Pat Benatar or Selena who I liked. I loved how relentless the music was. I liked that Bolt Thrower sang about history. I loved that there was a woman in a death metal band. I also discovered Napalm Death. But I'll discuss Napalm Death more when I talk about grindcore. 

This is my favorite Bolt Thrower album. 

At the same time, I still listened to the bands I found earlier. I still loved Nightwish and Sonata Arctica. When YouTube became a thing, I noticed that many people were uploading music VHS and DVD footage. As well as old interviews with bands. I used to watch these videos all the time. I was watching a Nightwish interview that was taking place at Spinefarm Records. I paused the video because one of the posters in the office caught my attention. The poster was of Children of Bodom. When I heard "Something Wild" I immediately adored it. Classical music and death metal!! Where has this been all my life?!  As I stated in my previous blog, Puhutko Suomea my adhd made me want to know every minuet detail about a subject if I loved it. So much so, that I decided to learn Finnish when I was 16. It wasn't until recently that I became fluent in Finnish. I was obsessed with Children of Bodom from my freshman summer until 2010. I even wanted an COBHC tattoo on my forearm. My computer screen had a Children of Bodom background. My binder had a photo of Alexi Laiho. I had so many Children of Bodom shirts. I knew all the lyrics. I still know all the lyrics. Adhd is always saving the most useless information in your head until your death. Children of Bodom led to more discoveries. I found Amorphis, Sentenced, Demilich, and Xysma. This is where my obsession with Finnish metal starts. Amorphis is death doom. Sentenced and Demilich is death metal as well. Xysma begins as a Carcass worship band. 

My favorite Sentenced album is "Shadows of the Past". 

Alexi Laiho also played in Impaled Nazarene. Because of this discovery I start to listen to black metal. I check out Finnish black metal. It's all about Satan, but even so, I like how punky it is. My mind is blown that the guys in Beherit are literally kids. "What the hell was I doing when I was 12?" I said to myself. I wasn't making cult black metal influenced by Bathory and Venom. 

Can you believe 12-year-olds made this? 

Then I began to learn about Swedish and Norwegian black metal. I learned all the drama that took place in the Norwegian black metal scene I began realizing how truly gay these men are. It felt more like a telenovela than music. Also, straight people don't go to the forest to solicit gay sex. They also don't follow gay men.  I don't buy it for a second, Frost. I like Mayhem's demos and eps the most because they're very primal and raw. Even as a depressed and angry teenager Euronymous pissed me off. I hated him. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I think Varg was justified in killing that slimy, arrogant, toad. I'm not defending Varg. I still think he's bat shit insane. I would be livid if my best friend killed himself, and my band member took photos of his death. Euronymous is an idiot for disturbing a crime scene. And that's why Euronymous had it coming. For this reason, I've always liked Darkthrone and Enslaved more. Darkthrone and Enslaved did not care about fame or drama. They wrote music and put it out. I prefer my black metal to be punky, sound like it was recorded on a Fisher Price toy recorder, experimental, or atmospheric. It's why I like bands like Arcturus, Borknagar, Dødheimsgard, Emperor, Olds Man's Child, and Ulver. I discovered Darkthrone "Soulside Journey" because it was their only death metal album. While I do like Darkthrone's black metal albums, "Soulside Journey" is special. It's different because of the HM-2 sound.

                                  The best death metal album created by a black metal band. 

It's the end of summer. My sophomore year starts in two weeks. I had two weeks to find more bands that sounded like "Soulside Journey." I can do this, I said to myself. Whatever I find I can listen to for the rest of the year.  Boy, did I find what I was looking for. The first time I heard the guitar lead in "Left Hand Path" by Entombed I was blown away. "Woah!"  That was the only thing I could muster up to say. I was Wiccan at the time, so I loved "Blessed Be." I like L.G.'s vocals. But, in my opinion Entombed's best album is "Clandestine." "Left Hand Path" is good start for a first album. "Clandestine" is a polished version of "Left Hand Path". I feel bad that L.G. wasn't featured on the album. L.G. would have done an incredible job. L.G. isn't on "Clandestine" because of a dumb rumor regarding Uffe's girlfriend. L.G. was robbed a star moment in "Wolverine Blues." I hated that album as a teenager. I still hate it now. Entombed could have been something and then they royally screwed the pooch with their third album. I won't be discussing the rest of their tragic discography. It'll make me too angry.

My favorite Entombed album is Clandestine. Sorry L.G. 

Dismember on the other hand, has never disappointed me. That's why they're another of my favorite bands. What's not to like about Iron Maiden guitar leads, with punky bass and drums. Matti Karki's vocals are perfection. They're in-between death metal and hardcore punk. Every element in Dismember flows beautifully. Name one bad Dismember song I dare you. Every single album is fantastic.

This is my favorite song and my favorite album. 

Edge of Sanity is another Hm-2 band that people don't listen to as much as they should. Dan Swano is a musical genius. I know I've said this before and I still stand by it. The first two albums are straight up Swede death. But then by "Spectral Sorrows" Swano is mixing hardcore, post-punk, and speed metal. "Sacrificed" is the best post-punk song I have ever heard. It should be up there with Sisters of Mercy's "Marian." "Feeding the Charlatan" is a perfect example of what death metal mixed with hardcore should sound like. I'm also convinced that Matti Karki is a guest vocalist. I can recognize his voice anywhere at any time. That's how influential Matti Karki is. "Infernal" is the only album that doesn't pique my interest. "Purgatory Afterglow" is when Dan Swano starts telling us dystopian stories. Followed by Crimson I and Crimson II. I only listen to Dan Swano's Edge of Sanity. 

My "Goth" anthem. 

I am smitten with At the Gates, Grave, and Unleashed. These bands are also from Sweden with their own unique sound. At the Gates mixes black metal, classical music, and death metal. Then by the time that "Slaughter of the Soul" comes out they are a melodic death metal band. Grave starts out as a death metal band, but by the 90s they're mixing hardcore in their music. Many people hate this era, but I love it. It sounds like Swedish Integrity or Ringworm. Then they go back to writing death metal. "Into the Grave" is a masterpiece to me because of their original vocalist, Jorgen. His vocals were so gross and guttural. I like Ola. But his vocals are more hardcore. He's a shouter. Jorgen had those deep pipes that made the music sound like he was in agony. Like someone was torturing him. Unleashed is what Amon Amarth wanted to be and never succeeded. Amon Amarth like money too much. Unleashed like Amon Amarth writes about Vikings. Unlike Amon Amarth, they don't use their heritage as their gimmick. I miss when Amon Amarth was for actual metalheads and not pathetic losers. Like other metal bands ATG, Grave, and Unleashed didn't care what others thought about their music. They just want to create something and put it out.

All Hail Jorgen. 

Searching for more Swedish death metal I discover that Therion used to be a death metal band. "Of Darkness" and "Beyond Sanctorum" are their only death metal albums. By their third album, Therion is already mixing symphonic influences and it doesn't sound good with the death metal vocals. I am glad they switched their sound. Out of all the Swedish death metal that exists, Therion's was the weakest in my opinion. Tiamat began as a crust band. I honestly wished they stayed that way. Treblinka is killer. "Sumarian Cry" sounds too much like Entombed. I still prefer this album compared to the other material they've made. I need to be in a certain mood to listen to the rest of their weird albums. You need be stoned as balls to like "Wild Honey" and the rest. In my opinion, Hypocrisy was the best before Peter Tägtgren decided to write about aliens and conspiracy theories. It's funny to think that "Pentetralia" was created in a moldy garage and it still sounds so brutal. I would have been coughing up a lung. Maybe, that's why this album is another underrated gem. I feel that people only liked Hypocrisy when they became melodeath. When in reality, we were given three amazing death metal albums. "The Fourth Dimension" is when Hypocrisy starts writing about aliens and the music becomes melodic. I do like later Hypocrisy, but it's not as good as "Pentetralia."

What a gem! 

My sophomore year, I started to look for more melodic death metal bands. Or bands that Tomas Lindberg is associated with. That's how I started to listen to both melodic death and crust punk at the same time. In Flames was listed for fans of At the Gates and Children of Bodom. "Whoracle" was the first In Flames album I listened to. Their album art intrigued me. The dryad or lamia screaming in an apocalyptic ballroom reminds me of the album art for "Them" or "Abigail." The first time I learned what a jotun was, was because of "Whoracle." Now I constantly use that word. In Flames is the reason I learned to love melodic death metal. Before, I never thought it would be possible to mix death metal vocals with melodic guitar riffs or with folk music. In Flames made it work until Anders turned into an emo man crying about his aging on "Come Clarity." I don't understand what Anders was crying about. I'm currently in my 30s. I love it. I hated my teenager years and 20s. "Come Clarity" is where I draw the line. Most people hate when In Flames mixed keyboards in their music. I personally liked it. I will agree though, that "Reroute to Remains" was the beginning of the end. Like Entombed, I don't recognize the other albums. Absolute garbage. Jesper was too cool for In Flames. 

Hello Ms. Dryad or Lamia. Or maybe it's a Huldra. 

An interesting fact I learned while researching and listening to In Flames is that Anders used to be in Dark Tranquility. Mikael Stanne used to be the vocalist for In Flames on "Lunar Strain" and "Subterrain". I understand why they switched. If you listen to the first In Flames and Dark Tranquility albums the vocals don't exactly work with the music. Oh man, where would my suicidal teenager-self be without Dark Tranquility. My sophomore year was the worst for me. This was the year when I was the most depressed. I never cared about being popular, but for some reason it was starting to get to me. I tried to make friends, but they would only use me. I would hang out with my friends from middle school, but we had nothing in common. I am grateful they stayed by my side, even though I couldn't realize it at the time. I started to self-harm. It was not a great time. Let's just say that. Dark Tranquility and Soilwork were always there for me. I understood the sadness and bitterness found in Dark Tranquility's music. "The Gallery", "The Mind's I", and "Projector" were played over and over for months. Probably over 100 times that year. 

This music was made for moody humans. 

Soilwork appealed to me because while it was melodic death metal it still had rage that I could relate to. The best riffs in my opinion are also found in "Steelbath Suicide" and "The Chainsaw Heart Machine." I think this is Soilwork's best. These two albums have riffs for days. Not me listening to "Steelbath Suicide" right now and dancing in my chair while I type. Nope. Not at all. That's how you write successful melodic death metal. Can I dance to it? Can I scream the lyrics to it? Can I play air guitar and drums? If yes, then it is a success! "Natural Born Chaos" is the last good melodic death metal album by Soilwork. I can't believe we all used to complain about "Figure Number Five" and "Stabbing the Drama." Compared to the prog crap they're doing now, it's actually listenable. Speed looking like a chav or a gopnik is funny to me. Besides, who can forget those hysterical videos In Flames and Soilwork did. In the music video of "Trigger" both bands pretended they had beef with each other. Every time, I had a bad day I watched that video. Peek hilariousness. A moment of silence for both In Flames and Soilwork. They used to be killer, now it's all filler. At the Gates and Dark Tranquility are the only lasting Gothenburg bands. 

Tell me those guitars aren't sexy?! 

 

Makes me laugh every time. So cringe.

 

Sadly, it wasn't long before my brain ran through all it's serotonin released by listening to Soilwork. I started looking for more depressing melodeath. I wanted something similar to Dark Tranquility. A band that knew what suffering from clinical depression is like. I did indeed find a band like Dark Tranquility, but more beautiful. At first listen, I thought Insomnium was too beautiful for words. Niilo's lyrics sounded like poetry. Only Finns understand my depression. I knew Insomnium would be full of melancholic melodies. Similar to Amorphis, their first album is about the Kalevala. As each album progresses, Niilo's voice and lyrics become more skillful. Best of all, Niilo's a Finnish literary professor. He writes books and turn them into albums. Insomnium and Be'lakor make the best essay writing music. 

My favorite song and album by Insomnium. 

Be'lakor are different because they are neither Scandinavian or Finnish. They are a melodic death metal band from Melbourne, Australia. It was very clear to me that they were influenced by Scandinavian and Finnish melodeath though. It sounds very similar to the previous bands I wrote above. I like the vocals in Be'lakor's music the most. Their vocalist has a deep, sexy voice. His voice creates an indisputable contrast with the melody. Similar to Jukka from Omnium Gatherum. I did not find OG until I was in college though. So I won't talk about them. Although, they do share a guitarist with Insomnium. 

The fairytale album cover is also a plus. A dingo stole her cape. 

Sophmore year is not improving. I just want this year to be over. I cannot take it anymore. I'm very close to being instituted. The only thing that saved me was crust punk. Probably why I love Tompa so much. The other bands he was in saved my sanity. I found Disfear first. I've always loved punk. The first album I heard was "Misanthropic Generation." It had everything I was looking for: distaste for humanity, anger, speed, and intensity. I went backwards and listened to the other albums with their original vocalist. I like those albums too, but you could definitely tell that the old vocalist was suicidal. Whereas Tomas's vocals are energetic. I needed energetic music to keep me from thinking about my depression. "Thousand Reasons" is still my theme song. Just listen to the lyrics. Have you ever been so tired from being the only person to care? That's what this song is about. Stop caring and focus on yourself. 

For some dumb reason, this album is the only one I can post from YouTube to my blog. 

Then I found Skitsystem. What can I say about this amazing band? At the time, I did not speak Swedish. I did not know what they were saying. But like all the Finnish bands I listen to, it wasn't an issue for me. The only English song, "No Hope, No Future, No Second Chance" made me feel like I wasn't alone. Most of Skitsystems songs are about politics and human rights. A future sign of music I would discover later. I'm fluent in Swedish now. I can sing along now. Although, Tompa is shouting really fast. It's hard to keep up. As a teenager, I always wondered why these Swedes were so pissed off. I was under the impression that Sweden was paradise. Then when I went to Stockholm for my 30th birthday. I finally understood Skitsytem's anger. Everyone in Stockholm is very nice, but they're too rigid. Far too formal. It reminds me of my upbringing. A person could never show emotions or talk honestly. They also have rent-a-cops in venues who won't let people mosh or sleep. If you fall asleep you'll get kicked out, which makes no sense to me. I'd rather deal with a sleeping person than a drunk. It's very police state there. I would like to visit other parts of Sweden. I'm certain, it is different. After all, some of my ancestors are from Sweden. Perhaps, that's another reason why I connect with Swedish music so well. As I mentioned above, Tiamat used to be a crust punk band mixed with Bathory and Venom. Their demos and eps sound so much better than the music they later released. Totalitär is the next band discovered. Totalitär was like a Swedish Discharge. I was already sold on them. Both Disfear and Skitsystem has cited Totalitär as an influence. Of course, I had to check them out. While Victims is my second favorite Swedish crust punk band I didn't discover them until college like Omnium Gatherum. Both OG and Victims are bands that can be discussed in another blog post. 

This is my favorite Skitsystem song, "Snutstat" which translates to "Cut-off State" or "Pig State". 

Finland will always have a place in my heart. It's not surprising that the next subject is about Finnish crust. Bands like Kaaos and Rattus made Disfear and Skitsystem sound like little lambs. I don't understand how they have so much energy and sound beyond vexed. Then again, before Finland was their own country they were under conservative rule. Plenty of centuries to be disgruntled and displeased. Alcohol also fueled these bands. Crust punk is both the soundtrack for disillusioned teenagers and adults. It's no wonder as a teenager crust punk saved my life. As an adult, crust punk is still one of my favorite subgenres. It is also a type of hardcore punk. I do like hardcore punk, it just has to be crust for me to enjoy it. I'm surprised that I did not discover Riistetyt at the same time. I'm pretty sure the vocalist of Riistetyt was also the vocalist of Kaaos because the voice sounds identical. It wasn't until I was dating Ryan that I found his Riistetyt CD and listened to it. It brought me back to my sophomore year of high school. Currently, Finland still has a ridiculous amount of great crust punk that everyone should check out. Since I'm writing about my teenager years I will not discuss these bands. Another time perhaps. 

I would do anything to see this band live. Too bad I wasn't born yet. This footage is from Finland in 1982.

If I thought that sophomore year was bad, just wait until junior year. Junior year was only worse because of how stressed I was. I desperately wanted to leave Illinois so I took both the A.C.T and the S.A.T.  I did great on the S.A.T. I did terrible on the A.C.T. I had to retake it twice. I applied to many Ivy League and East Coast colleges. I was so motivated to leave the Midwest. I was in 10+ clubs, continued getting good grades in school, and wanted high scores so I received scholarships. I knew that my parents would not be able to help me with expenses. All the music I discovered from middle school to sophomore year wasn't cutting it anymore. I either screamed into a pillow or I found heavier music. What is heavier than death metal or crust punk?! The answer was right in front of me. I'd already had been listening to Carcass and Napalm Death. Grindcore, goregrind, and brutal death metal was the answer that I was seeking on my quest. Like angels coming down from the heavens with a sign. Most metalheads don't like grindcore. Don't get me started on goregrind, brutal death metal and slam. I will defend these genres with my life. Just admit you're a weenie already. Napalm Death invented grindcore when their drummer decided that the d-beat wasn't fast enough. Mick Harris sped the d-beat and created the blast beat. It was either Mick Harris or Dave Hollingshead of Repulsion. No one knows. Metalheads debate this subject all the time. Let's go with both. Never in my wild dreams, did I ever think I would see Repulsion live four times. My inner teenager was freaking out. I probably should have mentioned them in the death metal section, but honestly guys I've listened to so many bands from so many genres since I was in middle school. It's hard to keep track of it all. 

Napalm Death has been grindcore, hardcore, and death metal. I don't have a favorite Napalm Death album. I have two because I always switch depending on my mood. It's always a tie between "Scum" and "From Enslavement to Obliteration." Napalm Death is also responsible for grindcore lyrics focusing on politics and protecting human rights. Barney is one of the only musicians who takes, "my body, my choice" seriously. 

The Peel sessions are the most raw in my opinion. Ryan found these recordings in a record store in Fitzroy, Australia. We bought it. 

Extreme Noise Terror is another British band from the same time period as Bolt Thrower, Carcass, and Napalm Death. They're more on the punk side than metal. Along with Discharge they are one of the most influential crust bands who also influenced grindcore. I don't know how to describe grindcore. If death metal and crust had a baby the result would be grindcore. I just know grindcore makes me happy. Why wouldn't it? When it's my two favorite genre combined to create the noisiest, chaotic, and shortest songs. 

Imagine my surprise when I realized that Pete Sandoval from Morbid Angel and Jesse Pinado from Napalm Death created Terrorizer. Mexicans making grindcore, si por favor. Every time my Mom would complain about my music I would always bring up Latino metal musicians. Jesse Pinado was also in another Tompa band called Lockup. If those bands weren't enough, Jesse was in Brujeria too. I looked up to Jesse. It made me sad to learn he was dead after learning all this information researching Terrorizer. Terrorizer is where Peter Sandoval drumming really shined. Morbid Angel wasn't as fast as Terrorizer. Morbid Angel's lyrics were about the occult. I liked the lyrics in Terrorizer more, because they addressed religion, corruption, and social issues.  

Have you ever seen a better album cover than this? 

American grindcore is interesting because it's either very experimental or it's gory. Brutal Truth is responsible for all the weird and experimental grindcore. "Extreme Conditions Demand Extreme Responses" is the best album of Brutal Truth. Their music becomes strange by the third album. I have to be in the mood to listen to it. I also blame Brutal Truth for influencing nerds to make bands like Discordance Axis and Gridlink. I am a science fiction nerd and a weeb. I still can't get into either of those bands. Celphalic Carnage is another experimental grind band. Unlike the other bands I mentioned, I enjoy Cephalic Carnage. The lyrics of Cephalic Carnage are about being mentally ill, not trusting the government, weed, or making parody's of other metal genres. Pig Destroyer and Agoraphobic Nosebleed are the definition of noise. Is it weird that I like how unsettled people are when they hear these two bands? I like "Prowler in the Yard" because the whole album is from the viewpoint of a stalker. These lyrics are information all women need to know. Real issues that women actually deal with. When Kat was in Agoraphobic Nosebleed I liked them the best. The music created with Kat was different. Now it sounds like Pig Destroyer. They share band members, but at least try. Kat, not only because we share the same nickname, but wherever you are I hope you're stable and happy.  

Last, but definitely, not the least is my two favorite grindcore bands: Nasum and Rotten Sound. Of course I saved the Swedish and the Finnish bands for last. They're in the vein of classic grindcore because the lyrics are about misanthropy, human rights, and politics. 

The first time I heard, "Inhale/Exhale" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Death metal vocals with crust music. I read the lyrics and I loved them even more. To me "Time to Act" was always about leaving a better future for the next generation. In addition, it's about how older generations always leave a mess for the next generation to clean up. Instead of complaining, we should all be proactive. It's a grindcore call to arms. "I'm not Silent" is another theme song for me. Especially, when I was in high school. I was sick of people berating me. The teachers did nothing to stop people from bothering me. Since high school, I have been the loud and opinionated person you guys know now. Nasum like Dismember doesn't have a single bad album. I wish we could have more material. But, their vocalist was killed in a tsunami. 

Here is Nasum's ep. 

"Exit" was the first album I heard from Rotten Sound. For this reason, I think it's my favorite album they've made. This album is a non-stop brutalizing punishment from start to Finn-ish. Sorry, I had to. I inherited terrible puns and Dad jokes from my Da. The album cover is shocking to many people. I remember walking Garm a week ago wearing my "Exit" shirt. People were giving me dirty looks. Someone even asked me why I was wearing such a "disturbing" shirt. I said, "Because I love this band and I have since I was high school. Plus they're my friends." 

I know this photo is not from high school. I was in my 20's, but it shows the shirt and Keijo. 

At the time the only albums from Rotten Sound I knew were "Cycle's", "Drain" and "Under pressure." I dated an Irish dude who liked the same music as I did in college. He showed me Rotten Sound's ep. If you've never listened to it. Do it now. It's pretty entertaining. Part of me thinks that all the animal noises is their way of poking fun at black metal. I never thought I would interview Nasum minus Mieszko (R.I.P) or Keijo from Rotten Sound when I was an intern for a metal webzine. If teenager me in high school knew I would eventually become friends with all of Rotten Sound she would freak the f--k out. Keijo is one of the funniest, kindest, and loving humans I know. They're all good people. How many people do you know who would gift their weed? Only Mika Aalto. That's who. Because he knows how much of a stoner Ryan is. Mika didn't want his weed to go to waste. 

Here is the whole album for your listening pleasure. 

My favorite song is called "Dirty Currency" because it calls out sexpats and human trafficking. I've read a lot of lyrics in both punk and metal, but nothing as truthful as "Dirty Currency." This song is what made me want to research prostitution. Reading sex workers' horror stories is what convinced me that sex work must be legalized. These people deserve access to healthcare without being stigmatized for their choice in a job. Sex work is work. "Drain" is another bruiser of an album which my favorite song is featured on. 

Another full album. 

How influential were Carcass?! Not only did they help make grindcore, but they also influenced many bands to make goregrind. The definition of goregrind is exactly what it sounds like. It's grindcore about gore. There's so many bands in this genre. I will stick to the ones I found my junior year. Exhumed and Xysma were the first goregrind bands I got into. Complete and total Carcass worship. I wish Exhumed stayed that way. I like their albums up until "All Guts, No Glory" because it's a play on the Bolt Thrower song. No offense to Matt Harvey because he's a really chill dude, but new Exhumed is boring. All the grind is gone. It's just really bland death metal. Every time I've interviewed Matt Harvey he was happy to talk about music with me. Maybe doing all these Death covers is addling his brain. Please play more songs off "Slaughtercult" and "Platters of Splatter."  "Gore Metal" will always be my favorite. The artwork is witty too. Guts on a chainsaw, while more organs are being microwaved. This album cover is how I knew my sense of humor was as dark as the coffee Ryan likes to drink. Impetigo was a goregrind band from Chicago that everyone should know. If you like Undergang then listen to Impetigo because it's clear that Undergang were influenced by them. 

Regurgitate and General Surgery are both from Sweden. I think the reason I liked Regurgitate the most was because of their silly album covers. A carnivorous penis with teeth biting a tongue is fantastic. It's the opposite of vagina dentata. I want to see that duel go down. Who would win? General Surgery is HM-2 death metal with a hospital theme. Matti Karki used to be in this band as well. What drew me to this band was that their song titles. The song titles are perfect parody's of Carcass, Entombed, and Dismember. One of their albums is called "Lefthand Pathology." 

Seriously, who made these album covers?! I LOVE IT! 

"Left Hand Pathology" is pure genius. 

Kathy are you done yet? Patience. I am almost done. You have no idea how much music I discovered from the age of 12-18. The only good perk of having adhd is that you never run out of things to research. 

At the time, I thought bands like Dying Fetus and Skinless were brutal death metal. Now I realize they're just regular death metal. As a 17-year-old I thought that Suffocation was the hardest American death metal band. Dying Fetus, Skinless, and Suffocation inspired what is now known as brutal death metal. Bands like Dehumanized, Lividity, and Malignancy made me realize that I am most definitely a degenerate. Most metalheads see brutal death metal as sexist due to the subject matter. I think that brutal death metal isn't any different than the topics already discussed in regular death metal. Brutal death metal lyrics are just more gruesome descriptions of "Skin Her Alive" by Dismember. I see both death metal and brutal death metal lyrics as a way to talk about uncomfortable topics. Especially, if you're a woman or female presenting like me. Not to mention, some of the best musicians play in brutal death metal bands. Not all brutal death metal is gory. Some of it is very technical like Inherit Disease or Defeated Sanity. I dare anyone to be as good as a musician as Lille Gruber. Not only can Lille play drums expertly, but he also plays guitar and bass. Perfectly too, may I add, since he teaches music in Germany. 

The best example of brutal death metal. Too bad they broke up. Mwamp. Mwamp. 

The last band and genre is one that is also near to my ass. I mean heart. It's slam. The first band I discovered invented slam. It's Internal Bleeding. Slam is brutal death metal with groovy elements from hip-hop and beatdown. Slam in it's original mode was just brutal death metal with chunky riffs. That's why I like Devourment and Internal Bleeding. I still think that New York death metal and brutal death is the best American metal has to offer. Brutal Death metal is one of my favorite music genres to see live. I love seeing these friendly and kind guys growling about the nastiest things. The juxtaposition is just too good. No one takes themselves too seriously. This is the main reason I love brutal death metal. Everyone is a big goofball. 

"Voracious Contempt" by Internal Bleeding is simultaneously the most violent and grooviest album I have listened to. I don't know if I should be dancing or spin kicking people in the face. Every time, I listen to Internal Bleeding I need to move things out of the way so I don't break a limb. I don't know how a genre of music can be so silly and violent at the same time. I enjoy people watching. Every album from Internal Bleeding makes me want to run around. Internal Bleeding is one of the best bands you can listen to when you're working out. I cannot stand still. Their music is that good. Those bass lines so freaking chonky!! 

This album is so groovy some hippies may come back from the dead. 

That's it. We're done here. By the time I graduated high school I was the person you know now. Thanks for reading all these pages and pages. If you didn't know that I was a walking music encyclopedia you do now. Just think of all the music I discovered from middle school until now. That's a lot of music.