How Many Queer Teens Have to Die?!

Warning: Assault and murder will be discussed in this blog post. Reader discretion is advised.

This blog post is dedicated to Nex Benedict. May they rest in peace. They did not deserve death. They deserved to live a happy and content life. Nex will never be forgotten. Say their name. 

I was almost molested as a child. Keyword: Almost. Because I knew the behavior from my neighbor's kid was not normal. I told my parents. If anything I feel pity for this teen because he probably was molested and acting out his trauma on myself and my brother. I also had a lot of creepy advances from male adults. It should not be a surprise, that I am very protective of kids and teens. I never want a child or teen to experience what I went through. I think all pedophiles deserve death. I do not think it's an extreme stance. Anyone, with a brain should be passionate about protecting children and teens. Yes, this is the main reason I quit freelancing. Because someone needs to provide a safe space for kids and teens. Kids and teens need to find themselves without being scared of society or their parents' judgement. Clearly, not enough people care. I care about my community and the youth in it. I will step up. I will be their voice. 

I knew I was bisexual and that I wasn't a girl or a boy when I was nine or ten. It was a topic I constantly fought with myself because my Mom raised me and my siblings to be Catholic. Kid me wanted to go to heaven. 13 year old me read the Bible cover to cover as punishment. That's how I know it's a work of fiction. The Lord of the Rings is more of a Bible than the Bible to me. Yes, I know J.R.R. Tolkien was Catholic. He was very devout too. That's the reason my Mother let me read his books. I still prefer the Lord of the Rings over the Bible. Both books also teach lessons, yet people don't actually think Gandalf is a God. At least, Gandalf was there when he was really needed.  

Here's a photo of me in a dress watering my parents' garden at our first house. I miss that house even if I barely remember it. It had a pool and a hot tub. Too bad, my parents sold the house because they recieved an offer from O'Hare aiport to expand. That's how I ended up growing up in Roselle. 

When I was growing up, I hated dresses. My Mom loved putting me in dresses. Or putting the most obnoxious bows in my wispy fine hair. Yes, there was a time in my life when I didn't have thick massive curls. My Da would always let me pick out my clothes. I would always pick out dark clothes and pants/shorts. Even as a toddler, I was goth.

My Mom would always buy me pink or pastel items. She also expected me to be super feminine. I hated Barbies. I wanted to play with my brother's dinos, Godzilla, or his trucks. I think tea time with my stuffed animals was the girliest I ever behaved as a child. 

My Mom also used to make me take a million photos every time she thought an outfit was cute. It's probably why I hate being the subject. I'd rather take the photos. Since I was a child, I recieved very gross sexual remarks or advances. Because of these comments, it only made me want to embrace my masculine side more. Boy clothes was more comfortable and no one made weird comments. I was a tomboy until my late 20s. By the time I was 25, I was sick of my style. It did not matter if I wore baggy band shirts and camo cargo pants. Some perv was going to make a nasty comment. Sadly, when I was a kid and teen and dressed as a boy no one bothered me. But now, I am a full grown adult. At the time, I was a 34DDD. It was impossible to hide my breasts. No matter what I wore, they were the focus. So, I may as well experiment with my feminine side. 

I wanted to reinvent myself. I started learning about makeup and I gradually became more feminine. Up until 25 I only wore eyeliner. I actually enjoyed it. I started to experiement with corsets, dresses, and skirts. I realised that when I am not being forced to be feminine I actually enjoy it. I am the one who made the choice. 

As more queer identities were made known, I started to learn that there are words for humans like me. Gender queer. Nonbinary. Genderfluid. I was so happy and excited that there were finally words to describe what I identify as. Before, I would say, "Biologically I am female. But I don't dress like it."  I like being a woman. I just don't like being looked at, like a cow being sold at a market. I have so many skills and abilities, but sure judge me on my good looks or defective womb. Another genetic trait. Because all the women on both sides of my parents are goregous and have awful periods. I know I have said this many times. What's one more time.  Sometimes, I feel like a woman. Sometimes, I feel like a man. Sometimes, I feel like both. Sometimes, I feel like neither. This is why these words matter. Because a confused human, now has an identity. That said I do not see myself as transgendered. I know some nonbinary people do. I respect their choice. But that is not me. 

It's even worse if you're a teenager. There's the hormones which make teenagers think that any incident in their life is worse than it really is. Trying to make friends. And trying to make sense of this world. Trying to please your parents, but also wanting to be happy. 

It seems like, with every generation born, more and more people lack empathy. I was born in the late '80s. I thought kids and adults were mean growing up in the '90s and '2000s. I did not have social media until high school. There were no videos of all dumb and ridiculous things that my friends and I did when we were kids or teens. Now, I realise I was spared. Because I could have been killed. Just like two innocent kids were on Febuary 8th and 23rd of this month. These two murders literally happend this month and year. Nex Benedict ( a sophmore in high school) who identified as nonbinary and a trans teenager who was has not been identified yet were murderered. Anti-trans laws don't need to exist as long as homophobic and transphobic people live.These people actually think they're doing God's work and that they're soldiers for God. 

I cannot imagine being a child or a teen currently. These poor kids have so many demands to live up to. It is not fair, what is being expected from them. If anything, teens are more jaded than before. And who can blame them? Many teens have stated in interviews or articles that the 2020 pandemic really screwed them up. Scores of the teens graduated and are now in college, but they never learned how to properly communicate. These young adults say that they have no social skills and college forced them to relearn. Things for teens haven't gotten better since the pandemic. Now, teens are still super introverted or scared to talk. They are even more afraid to be judged than before. For this reason, I want to create programs for teens so they can make friends. I also want to create programs that teens are actually interested in. I'm glad that teens are still into fantasy, horror, and science fiction. Because what is scarier than reality? Especially, if you don't fit society's mold. 

I will tell you what is scarier. Assault and murder. If you take a life and it's not in self-defense you are a waste of space. I may have stolen or paraphrased those words from Carnivore or Type O Negative. People think Peter Steele was an asshole. People only think that because Peter didn't pussyfoot around issues. He was direct. Some people don't deserve the gift of life. Especially, if you murder an innocent teen. I don't care if you're also a child. You suck. I was abused. You don't see me hurting people. It's not an excuse. 

This was Nex. I used to dress exactly like them. 

I can't even write the following words without crying. I've been working on this blog post throughout the week. I still keep choking up. Or, I have to pretend that I am not silently crying while I type. I asked permission while I was at work to blog if I have down time. It was approved. Since the subject is related to being a Young Adult Librarian. I am so sorry Nex Benedict! I am sorry that your school did not put an end to your torture and abuse. Mostly, I am sorry that only your Grandmother  advocated for you. We as a community and as older LGBTQIA failed you by not protecting you. You were only 16! You had your whole life ahead of you!! I know you would have accomplished so many wonderful and amazing things. You just needed a chance to be loved and cared for. 

My information is coming from Brutal Killing of 16 year old. I started this blog on Tuesday of this week. At the time, the Associated Press did not have any information. Now they do. Now that the Associate Press knows, all other newspapers and journals will have to write about Nex's death. That's the only good thing that came out of Nex dying. 

I grew up in the Midwest. I know the biases of their news outlets. No doubt the actual truth will be covered because censorship is still a massive issue there. Nex lived in Oklahoma. What do I expect from an area that mistreated and murderered it's indigenous people? Nex was also Indigenous. So my point was proven.  The Midwest loves forcing everyone to be Christian, cis, and hetro. Imagining thinking that a book written by humans is proof that God exists. I get it. Most people can't handle reality. Who am I to take someone's coping mechanism? But, as soon as a person uses their beliefs or religion to justify violating human rights, that's where I draw the line. That's why I don't expect justice or the truth. Because in their eyes, everyone is a sinner and a monster. When the real groomers and rapists are in their churches, families, and schools.

What exactly happened? Nex and another classmate were being beaten by three other classmates (all female) in the Owasso High School West Campus bathrooms on February 7, 2024. In my experience, teenage girls are cut throat chaos goblins. They're the defintion of petty. The movie, Mean Girls, doesn't even cover how cruel teenager girls can be. Especially, if you reject gender. Three girls repeatedly beat Nex and another student's head into the floor.  Only a psychopath or sociopath would think it's acceptable to beat a person until they're unconscious. Nex couldn't even walk to the nurse's office. Nex's grandmother was called. Nex was taken to the hospital. They were discharged. Nex's grandmother took Nex back to the hospital on February 8, 2024 because Nex was not improving. The hospital was the last place to see Nex alive.

I have so many questions. WHERE WERE THE TEACHERS?! How does someone not hear a loud sound and not come running to investigate? I find it hard to believe that Nex and the other student did not bleed. Or, that they weren't dragged on the floor. I am not a teacher. I am a librarian. I only know the rules for the Brooklyn Public Library. One would think they would be similar. If someone is causing a disturbance or is not feeling well: 1. Call library police sergeant/911. 2. Call all our supervisors. That means I have to call the Regional Librarian, the Branch Manager, and my mentor/Head Librarian. 3. Write the incident report. WHY WAS THIS INCIDENT NOT REPORTED?! I can only assume the reason why Nex lived with their grandmother was because their direct family wouldn't let Nex be themselves. Again, we do not have any of the facts because everyone keeps denying what happened. Which is a normal occurance when people are ashamed of having queer relatives. All I have to go on, is my own experience of being bullied for not fitting into the popular kids mold. Where was the police? Not that they would have helped. But, at least do the job you're being paid for. You know, like the rest of us. Why were the three girls not arrested? At the very least, you'd think these three girls would be expelled.THEY LITERALLY ASSULTED AND KILLED TWO OF THEIR CLASSMATES. Why was Nex discharged from the hospital if they were not improving? The guilty parties keep mulitplying. 

Rapists and murders don't deserve leinency. Personally, I am all for the death pentality. I don't think people should be able to live a long life. Because none of them ever feel guilt. Look at, Selena's murderer, Yolanda Salivar. That thing has a  show to tell her "side of the story." That really pisses me off.  I will never watch it. She's a lying, manipulative string of expletives. GIVE US SELENA BACK! JUST LIKE HOW NEX SHOULD STILL BE LIVING RIGHT NOW! 

"No Me Queda Mas" is how I feel about this whole event. It's a "friendzone" song. But in my case I'm saying how disappointed I am. The message of this song is loss. 

I see bullies never change their tactics. Bullies have always taken their victims to the bathroom, rooftop, and the parking lot. I know my Mom wasn't the best parent, but at least she taught me the most important life lesson: always stand up for yourself. That's right! No one ever picked on me again, when I started giving all my bullies black eyes and making them spit out their own blood and teeth. This is why I would have been a great hockey player, if I had the money to play. But of course if a child, teen, or adult doesn't fit the ridiculous unwritten laws and expectations then they're bad, evil, or possessed. 

If it's not bad enough that a teen was killed. The news gets worse. In Nex's Obituary, they are misgenered throughout the whole entire piece. You have to be a real piece of... work... to not honour the wishes of your dead child. I thought the Boomer mentality of thinking your child is your property was going to die out with my Mom's generation. Apparently, not. I do not want to have children. But now, I am starting to think I should adopt as many queer kids as I can. I already accompany my trans friends everywhere to keep them safe. You want to hurt my friend? You're going to have to go through me. 

I brought up Lord of the Rings earlier. So just call me Gandalf when it comes to my friends. 

 

Nex really was just like me when I was a teen. Straight A-student. Was close with their English teachers. Loved animals and nature. Nex adored their cat, Zeus. Nex loved cooking, drawing, reading, and gaming. This also sounds like all my friends. Lastly, many queers are neurodivergent. So we can add that to the list. 

I hope Nex does not become another statistic. For all the bigots out there, this exactly why Gay Pride Month exists. Being heterosexual is the default setting for 70 percent of the population. You don't need a parade or anything when you benefit from this world every single day. No one wants you dead. No one bothers you unless you're a woman or female presenting. But that's another feminist rant for another day. 

If you would like to donate to Nex's funeral here is the link: Nex's Funeral. But, in  the GoFundMe they do not honor Nex's pronouns either!!! IT'S NOT A HARD CONCEPT! I know it says not to judge in the GoFundMe. BUT I AM JUDGING. You had 16 years to get to know your child and sibling! Yet you chose to turn a blind eye. This is exactly why I still go by "She/Her" because people's stubborness knows no bounds. Also, my Mom refuses to call me "They/Them" like Nex's family. That's why I suspect that only Nex's grandmother actually was a parent and a guardian. They had parents and siblings. Yet only the Grandmother chose to take this child in and respect them. Kudos to Grandma. You have my love and support. Funeral Services were at 10 am on Thursday, Feburary 15, 2024 at the Mowery Funeral Service in Chapel  in Owasso.

I did not learn about Nex's passing until I read it on threads Tuesday, January 23, 2024. That was literally a week later. I posted Nex's death all over social media. People still don't know about Nex's death or circumstances. Nex's birthday was January 11th. They literally just turned 16. Nex should be learning how to drive. Not dead and buried. 

A vigil for Nex will be held later this week on Feburary 25. Instead of having vigils for our queer youth, people should actually listen and protect them! DON'T HAVE CHILDREN IF YOU'RE NOT WILLING TO ACCEPT THEM FOR WHO THEY ARE!!!! My Mother learned this hard lesson. I'm glad she changed her ways. I am glad we can repair our damage. But, god damn, your children are not an extension of yourself. Children come from their parents, but eventually they grow up to be their own people. 

I tried my hardest to be polite. I do not like insulting people who can't defend themselves. But in this case, I cannot stay unbiased. Because Nex is the story of every human who's not cis or hetro. When will it end? I do not want to wait another decade or century for humans to be treated with the respect they deserve. This is why I refuse to give birth to a child until things improve. Ryan and I are both nonbinary.