Wednesday, June 5, 2024

Lords of Chaos Book Review

 Hello, Hola, Hej, Moi! Yes, I am not dead. I am alive. I've been incredibly busy. I meant to write this review before I left for Maryland Death Fest, but I had no time. I only had time to focus on the essentials: eating, sleeping, reading, and working. 

This is my personal copy. Now I wish I borrowed it from my work. 

Even more disappointing to some of my readers will be my scalding review. Buckle up, because we're going on a wild ride through the forests of cringe. 

I was under the assumption that Lord of Chaos would only focus on Norway. But Søderlind and Moynihan discuss Sweden, Germany, and the U.S. They have a section called "Finland" but only Beherit and Impaled Nazarene are named dropped. That's it. You know how many Finnish black metal bands exist?! Iceland has amazing black metal too. But what do I know? I'm just a woman into crust punk, death metal, and grindcore. 

I thought this book would discuss black metal in general.  Not Satanism. I don't give a single flying f-ck about edgy Christanity. Or claims of "Atheist Satanism." You know how many heroes, gods, and myths that exist?! And ya'll choose Satan to be your role model? Really? Having a role model is still worship in a way. I don't know what is worse! The fact that half of this book focuses on Satanism or the focus on Varg's stupidity. 

The beginning of the book discusses how blues influenced music. Good. At least, the authors recognize this fact. Followed, by how the occult influenced classic rock bands like Led Zepplin and Rolling Stones. There is a small introduction on British heavy metal and speed metal. Most importantly, how Venom and King Diamond influenced black metal. Neither band considers themselves pioners of black metal because they were just kids writing fast music. These two bands influenced Bathory and Celtic Frost. The real creators of black metal in my opinion. Because black metal to me is inherently punk. Bathory and Celtic Frost influenced bands like Slayer, Sodom, and Possessed. Another reason, I don't understand why black metal nerds don't like death or thrash metal. The same bands these nerds like influenced other genres of metal and punk. Otherwise, bands like Deicide, Morbid Angel, and Unleashed wouldn't exist. Or the fact, that "Left Hand Path" by Entombed has occult symbolism. I can go on and on. But, this is a black metal book review. Not a factoid about death metal. 

Black metal was Norway's answer to Swedish death metal. Because Scandinavian countries are petty and competitive as helvete. These teens wanted to combine speed metal, death metal, and nihilism or the Occult. They also did not want any melody or harmonies in their sound. Unless you're Dissection. Because Dissection has riffs for days. Many Norwegian youth were annoyed at how Christanity was the center of Norwegian culture yet no one ever went to church unless it was a holiday, Christening, or funeral. 

In my opinion, Norwegian black metal is the result of a bunch of bored, entitled teens with nothing to do. Other than gatekeep and deny their gayness. I'm Bisexual, Nonbinary, and Genderfluid. I wear crop-tops. You know who else wears crop tops? Black metal musicians in the closet! Because no self-respecting straight person would wear a crop-top. Crop-tops and fanny packs are the official symbols of queers everywhere! Let's not forget the globs of makeup they wear on stage. Or the tall spikes they have on their arms. Spikes and studs were used by punks and gay men in the fetish community. Remember Judas Priest. May I remind everyone that Rob Halford is gay. He took his looks from the bdsm gay community. See, full circle jerk. 

The hypocrisy and backpeddling amuses me. It's absolutely hilarious to me. Euronymous and Varg were interested in Satanism. They started it. Then Varg backpeddles and says that he was never a Satanist. He was always into the "old ways". Where in animism or shamanism does it say become a LaVeyan Satanist. Or mix paganism with garbage satanism. Especially considering that both animism and shamanism believe that every living thing plays an integral role in the universe. As a Pagan and animist, these idiots missed the point. Paganism is about respecting nature, not controlling it. Counting down the seasons. Eating and growing food of the seasons. Working with our ancestors so we may learn from their mistakes. The punk phrase, "No Gods, No Masters" is really Pagan to me because it means humans are the masters of our reality. Another concept, Euronymous and Varg never understood. 

I will never undestand any of the life choices Euronymous ever made. Euronymous was famous for his speeches about how much he hated American and Swedish death metal. Then the nitwit recruits Per Yngve from Morbid. Totally, not proof of his hypocrisy and gayness. If Euronymous really hated Swedish death metal why recruit a Swede and ask him to move to Norway? Moreover, who rents a whole building and only uses one tenth of it?! Euronymous is the original trustfund kid. Mommy and Daddy paid for everything he did. His parent paid for his apartment, his "record store," and his record label. Did I mention Euronymous was a sexist. This shouldn't surprise anyone. He was well known for his misogny. The whole trope of black metal musicians are virgins came from Euronymous. At least, Varg was a slut and knew how to get laid. Euronymous always talked about how gross the female body was. If that doesn't scream gay I don't know what else does? Oh, wait. I do. Faust. Faust is the only one who out does Euronymous. 

If a person is not gay how would they know that homosexuals go to the forest to have sex in Scandinavia or Finland?! HOW?! Because the only reason I know this factoid is that I watched a Tom of Finland documentary where they discuss this. Otherwise, I wouldn't have known. Faust's excuse of I went bar hopping and randomly ended up in a forest with a homosexual does not add up! Especially, because Faust kept changing his story. He's been tested for mental illnesses. First, Faust says he was drunk. Then he claims that he hates that homosexuals flaunt their lifestyle. Lastly, he says he knew exactly what he was doing when he killed Andreassen. Which one is it? Stabbing a person thirtyseven times is exactly the behavior of a panicked person who claims to not be gay. 

"It was obvious that he wanted to have some contact. Then he asked me if we could leave this place and go up to the woods. So, I agreed, because already I then decided that I wanted to kill him, which was very weird because I'm not like this..." Faust, page 112 

Does anyone understand how suss this quote is?! I'm bisexual and I would never follow a stranger into the woods?! I don't care how good looking or my type they are. How does Faust know it's obvious? The only way he would know is if he's gay. I've asked Ryan this question before. He's nonbinary and hetrosexual. I said,"If a dude asked you to go to the woods with him would you go?" Ryan said, "Hell no. I have no business there. Now if it was a woman, maybe." 


I want to say that the other half of Lords of Chaos is just Varg's duplicit opinions. For example, this stupid qoute, "Show Odin to the people, and Odin will be lit in their souls." How is this any different from obnoxious proselytizers? Only insane people believe to hear the voice of "God." I didn't know try-hards were the spoke person of Odin. I am a Heathen and I am so embarrassed. 

Varg claims to worship Odin, but also thinks humans should be "dark and evil." My dude did you even read the Poetic or Prose Edda?! 1. There is no worship. These are just people. Not Gods. This is why the Kings of Denmark, Norway, and Sweden believed they were descended from Odin, Thor, and Freya. 2. There is no good vs. evil in the Poetic. It wasn't until Snorri Sturluson wrote the Prose that good vs. evil was introduced because he was Christian. 3. Odin is half Jotun. His Mother is a full Jotun. Odin is literally a mixed "God". 4. Odin is not good or evil. He, like Loki are just chaos. Because energy can be used to do great or terrible things. Dualities of good vs. evil are Christian creations. How can Varg call himself a Heathen when he still believes in Christian ideologies? 

Varg claims that the "old ways" were better because our ancestors worshipped nature. What part of nature or animism includes racism? Because last time I checked every single being in the nine realms was mixed or hybrids of dwarfs, elves, humans, and jotuns. In addition, to believing that people like me who have Scandiavian ancestry but are not fully "White" should breed with full ones to improve our genes. (Eye freakin' role.) I'm only thirty percent or less Chicimeca. And I'm convinced my Indigenous genes are saving me from being bedridden. My celiac disease, my clinical depression, and my endometriosis are all from my supposed "superior" White genes. 

Honestly, Varg and Euroynmous were made for each other. Both make no sense and are hypocrites. They both also fought each other for social control of the black metal scene. That's the real reason they hated each other. Because they knew they're both the same pompous person. You want me to believe that two weaklings could kill each other? It was just clout, impulsivity, and panic that drove Varg to murder Euronymous. That's it. 

Varg claimed to hate Americans and British. Yet Varg loved Lord of the Rings. J.R.R Tolkien was British, Catholic, and a professor of Anglo-Saxon history and literature. 

Varg claims to hate Christanity yet he seems himself as a martyr. He is the literal definintion of Savior Complex. 

Varg loves to call himself a chieftain. Except the part, where our ancestors had no chiefs. They're called Jarls. It wasn't until the thirteenth century when Scandinavia had kingdoms that were united by the Kalmar Union. Varg grew up in Norway. History is all around him. Or, you know-he could have gone to the library and researched this. Instead of the queer American woman with a minor in medieval studies pointing all this information out. 

Lords of Chaos is just a retelling about drama. I wanted to learn more about Darktrone, Enslaved, or Ulver. You know bands that actually matter. But they were only mentioned at best.

The German portion is just the authors rehashing the murder of a classmate by the douchebags in Absurd. Sebastian Schauscheill was being groomed and didn't even realize it because he was so "in love." 

What I did find amusing is that LeVey was interviewed. He talks so much shit about black metal. That's what happens when a bunch of dumb teens write music for a dumb cause. Black metal is best when it's about nature and misanthropy. 

I give this book two stars because it barely talked about music and was all about drama and scene politics. 


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